Dating Is Not Worth It (For Right Now)
The strangest thing has happened to me.
For those of you that know me just a little bit, you probably have realized that I am rather fond of guys. And like talking about them. :P
Well, last week, two of my friends finally decided to get into a relationship. Personally, I have always wanted to date but my parents had rules about waiting till my senior year of high school. So this whole venture was kind of exciting.
Yet, when it was done and over, I found that desire to have a boyfriend completely gone. There is truly no purpose of dating until you're in college. As a friend of mine said when I told him the news: "Are they trying to decide whether they should get married?" At our age, we should be worrying about our grades and which college we're going to. A relationship would just be so distracting and pointless. What is the point of a relationship anyway? I understand that perhaps one wants to know that there is an exclusiveness between them and their significant other, but that just seems so desperate. "Here, you are mine and nobody else can have you." Excuse me? You don't own me, buddy. There ain't no ring on my finger.
"Well, I want to get to know him/her better." And why not do that in a friendship? When we're in love, we tend to overlook the other person's faults and unpleasantries. In a friendship, it's completely objective. I can pick out the qualities I don't like in you now, instead of 12 years later when we're married and have 4 kids. Besides, friends don't have to impress each other. There's no mask of good behavior to hide behind. I can be who I want to be without worrying whether or not it will scare away my boyfriend. And if one of my friends becomes my boyfriend, great. He will have seen me at my worst and still think that I'm okay.
I don't want the pressure from a boyfriend to limit my friendships with other males. I have so many guyfriends and I love hanging out with all of them. Yet, how uncomfortable would that make my boyfriend? I know that right now I would not be able to handle my boyfriend spending a lot of time with other girls. Why should I have to deal with that pressure now? I've lost a couple of guyfriends just because their girlfriends don't like them associating with other girls... I don't want to deal with that.
It's my senior year. How much longer am I going to know my friends? Having a boyfriend is just going to distract me from the remaining time I have with all of these remarkable people. People in relationships tend to be involved in each other. I've heard so many stories of people losing their friends because they forgot to keep up with these people while they were dating so-and-so. I'm only going to know these people a short while longer. I don't need it to be cut any shorter, so why risk that with a relationship?
Anyway, what's the purpose of dating? You're trying to discern if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm 18. I sure as heck don't want to get married now. So why bother? For the experience? Why do I need to be experienced? If you tell me that experience is going to help me navigate the dating waters of life or something, please go rethink your life. Dating is awkward and people are awkward. It's okay to be inexperienced. If I need to be good at man-shopping, then clearly I'm not doing something right. Is it going to help my "naivety" with males? No. Hundreds of other women who have been dating for years have proven that.
I'm not saying that I'm not ever going to date. I'm just saying that, as a teenager, it's just not worth it.
For those of you that know me just a little bit, you probably have realized that I am rather fond of guys. And like talking about them. :P
Well, last week, two of my friends finally decided to get into a relationship. Personally, I have always wanted to date but my parents had rules about waiting till my senior year of high school. So this whole venture was kind of exciting.
Yet, when it was done and over, I found that desire to have a boyfriend completely gone. There is truly no purpose of dating until you're in college. As a friend of mine said when I told him the news: "Are they trying to decide whether they should get married?" At our age, we should be worrying about our grades and which college we're going to. A relationship would just be so distracting and pointless. What is the point of a relationship anyway? I understand that perhaps one wants to know that there is an exclusiveness between them and their significant other, but that just seems so desperate. "Here, you are mine and nobody else can have you." Excuse me? You don't own me, buddy. There ain't no ring on my finger.
"Well, I want to get to know him/her better." And why not do that in a friendship? When we're in love, we tend to overlook the other person's faults and unpleasantries. In a friendship, it's completely objective. I can pick out the qualities I don't like in you now, instead of 12 years later when we're married and have 4 kids. Besides, friends don't have to impress each other. There's no mask of good behavior to hide behind. I can be who I want to be without worrying whether or not it will scare away my boyfriend. And if one of my friends becomes my boyfriend, great. He will have seen me at my worst and still think that I'm okay.
I don't want the pressure from a boyfriend to limit my friendships with other males. I have so many guyfriends and I love hanging out with all of them. Yet, how uncomfortable would that make my boyfriend? I know that right now I would not be able to handle my boyfriend spending a lot of time with other girls. Why should I have to deal with that pressure now? I've lost a couple of guyfriends just because their girlfriends don't like them associating with other girls... I don't want to deal with that.
It's my senior year. How much longer am I going to know my friends? Having a boyfriend is just going to distract me from the remaining time I have with all of these remarkable people. People in relationships tend to be involved in each other. I've heard so many stories of people losing their friends because they forgot to keep up with these people while they were dating so-and-so. I'm only going to know these people a short while longer. I don't need it to be cut any shorter, so why risk that with a relationship?
Anyway, what's the purpose of dating? You're trying to discern if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I'm 18. I sure as heck don't want to get married now. So why bother? For the experience? Why do I need to be experienced? If you tell me that experience is going to help me navigate the dating waters of life or something, please go rethink your life. Dating is awkward and people are awkward. It's okay to be inexperienced. If I need to be good at man-shopping, then clearly I'm not doing something right. Is it going to help my "naivety" with males? No. Hundreds of other women who have been dating for years have proven that.
I'm not saying that I'm not ever going to date. I'm just saying that, as a teenager, it's just not worth it.
Well said....
ReplyDeleteWow. That sounds pretty well thought out. Congrats! Love all your points. Get to know lots of young men. Be friends first. Don't lose other friends because you're jumping the gun with dating. awesome. You're way ahead of the curve.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing you didn't touch on is the "near occasion of sin" thing. Dating implies a goal of spending lots of extra time *alone together.* The temptations and opportunities for immoral behavior are often overwhelming to young people. In the news right now is the sad trend of increasing single-motherhood - promoted by our culture's current norms for pre-marriage behavior. The share of never married mothers among all single mothers has increased from 4% in 1960 to 44% in 2011. This just goes to show that while it's "normal" to date as a teen, not all "normal" is good for us.
Great comments, and it thrills me to think that you and I have a special bond. Dating is an opportunity to make your social blunders as well as fun times with someone new. There are no really does and don'ts, you just experience and learn from it. Commitments come with time and experience, no rules, no guarantees, just a learning process. Fortunately as you age and get to meet with and know people, if there is something between you and someone else it will happen and meaningful love will happen. Right now, live, enjoy, learn and don't worry about what happens. Learning will fall into place, and since you are a special person to me, it will evolve and work out .
ReplyDeleteMuch love G
You go girl!
ReplyDelete