Matthew 6:26
Breaking up with my boyfriend has been the most difficult experience of my life. Seeing the pain I caused him while experiencing deep pain of my own was extremely difficult, but I don't regret it...
I am not ready to write this post. And that's okay. I can not expect myself to bounce back like nothing happened and pretend that three months is enough time for me to heal, that I've learned so much, that I am ready to move on and am satisfied with the way it turned out.
I can not ignore the pain I feel when I see him glance at her the way he used to look at me. I can't pretend to ignore the pangs of longing when I hear one of his favorite songs or see a joke I know he would like. Or push away the fact that I miss the way he would hug me after a long, stressful week. I can't pretend it that I don't care and that my heart is fine.
But I'm okay with it. The fact that I do feel pain a means I'm alive. It means that God has blessed me with the capacity to experience pain and the ability to love someone. To me it means that I have a heart that can still hurt and that is good.
I am grateful for the feelings of loneliness because it means I am experiencing a sliver of the anguish Christ felt when He was alone during His Passion. The pain has become a prayer of unity with our Lord.
I am grateful for the feelings of betrayal because it reminds me that God is the only thing constant in our lives. God will never forsake us, leave us, or stop loving us. I am reminded that He has me on His mind at all times and strengthens me whenever I need an extra boost. God has been so good to me, calling me to be His and focus on my relationship with Him. He reassures me almost constantly that I am following His path, reminding me that there is no growth without pain.
I am grateful for the painful distance between me and the man that once captured my heart. It helps me focus on the friendships I have neglected and nurture the new relationships that have recently formed. I can now focus on discovering the things that make me tick, instead of devoting myself to trying to like someone else's passions. I am rewiring my heart and mind in the silence.
I am grateful for the little daggers of pain that pierce my heart daily because they remind me to pray. "Jesus be enough for me, You are what I seek" - this is my constant prayer, which never fails to fill me with at least a moment of peace. Jesus always quiets the storm that tears through my heart, reminding me to love Him and Him alone. He is a demanding lover, wanting all of my attention.
God's plan is good, though obscured from our eyes. This is not easy to understand, especially when we feel like we are drowning in our own small tragedies and sorrows. All He asks is that we trust Him, for He is our loving Father who wants the best for us. He will take care of us and we need not worry about anything. Our part just involves understanding and accepting that what is best for us is not always what feels good to us
I am not ready to write this post. And that's okay. I can not expect myself to bounce back like nothing happened and pretend that three months is enough time for me to heal, that I've learned so much, that I am ready to move on and am satisfied with the way it turned out.
I can not ignore the pain I feel when I see him glance at her the way he used to look at me. I can't pretend to ignore the pangs of longing when I hear one of his favorite songs or see a joke I know he would like. Or push away the fact that I miss the way he would hug me after a long, stressful week. I can't pretend it that I don't care and that my heart is fine.
But I'm okay with it. The fact that I do feel pain a means I'm alive. It means that God has blessed me with the capacity to experience pain and the ability to love someone. To me it means that I have a heart that can still hurt and that is good.
I am grateful for the feelings of loneliness because it means I am experiencing a sliver of the anguish Christ felt when He was alone during His Passion. The pain has become a prayer of unity with our Lord.
I am grateful for the feelings of betrayal because it reminds me that God is the only thing constant in our lives. God will never forsake us, leave us, or stop loving us. I am reminded that He has me on His mind at all times and strengthens me whenever I need an extra boost. God has been so good to me, calling me to be His and focus on my relationship with Him. He reassures me almost constantly that I am following His path, reminding me that there is no growth without pain.
I am grateful for the painful distance between me and the man that once captured my heart. It helps me focus on the friendships I have neglected and nurture the new relationships that have recently formed. I can now focus on discovering the things that make me tick, instead of devoting myself to trying to like someone else's passions. I am rewiring my heart and mind in the silence.
I am grateful for the little daggers of pain that pierce my heart daily because they remind me to pray. "Jesus be enough for me, You are what I seek" - this is my constant prayer, which never fails to fill me with at least a moment of peace. Jesus always quiets the storm that tears through my heart, reminding me to love Him and Him alone. He is a demanding lover, wanting all of my attention.
God's plan is good, though obscured from our eyes. This is not easy to understand, especially when we feel like we are drowning in our own small tragedies and sorrows. All He asks is that we trust Him, for He is our loving Father who wants the best for us. He will take care of us and we need not worry about anything. Our part just involves understanding and accepting that what is best for us is not always what feels good to us
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